I can’t tell you how many promises I’ve made to myself and then promptly broke that promise. It’s not good for the self-esteem to behave this way. You tell yourself “I will not apply for jobs I don’t want. Promise? Promise!” then it’s 2 in the morning and you’ve had some delicious red wine and you can’t sleep. What better time to make some major life changes! “That’s it!” I say to myself “I am getting a full time job! I’ll stop being creative for 6 months and see how I feel”
And Boom! Promise broken. Next thing I know I’ve found a job in Wyoming that sounds like just what I need.
Most recently I broke my “I will not eat while I walk down the street” promise. Last Saturday I had a show in Connecticut and I took the metro north. I heard the place had good food. Low and behold, I never got any of their good food and I had to leave to catch the train home so I grabbed I big bag of popcorn at Grand Central when I arrived. I got the big bag only because there were no small bags. No shit. I even asked and they pointed to the big bag and said, “that’s the smallest bag” Small compared to what? I wanted to say. I was aggravated that I had to spend almost 10 bucks on a snack.
I started eating the popcorn immediately. I ate in in my car share home to Brooklyn. I got out of my car share and ate my popcorn walking down the street. At one point I thought “You said you weren’t going to do this anymore” and I kept eating.
When I got home I had popcorn in my hair, not just the ends either, there was a piece almost on top of my head. How? I had popcorn stuck to my hoodie, a piece on my shoulder. It looked like somebody had thrown a bucket of popcorn at me.
The last time I had eaten walking down the street, I was enjoying some fried chicken. I got the last piece of chicken at Popeye’s at 11 pm on Tuesday night and decided I didn’t need a bag. I was going to eat it right away. So I walked down Court Street in Brooklyn eating my hot crunchy juicy fried chicken. Sometimes I held it with two hands. Sometimes I held it with one. I was totally lost in the moment. I don’t eat fried chicken often but when I do I think “I should get this more often” then I ran into somebody I know and the off putting nature of my behavior dawned on me.
“I got the last piece of chicken at Popeye’s” I blurted out
“Is that a first?” my friend teased
“I bet not too many people can say they got the LAST piece of chicken at Popeye’s” I was suddenly proud of my moment.
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t find it on the street”
I have quick witted friends.
“Well, good seeing ya. I gotta get back to my chicken” I said, waving the bone in her direction.
I returned to my fried chicken strut thinking “Don’t eat walking down the street anymore..after this”
I was good for a while.
I know I started to eat a cookie once only to findout it was stale. I wrote about that herethat was in May. So, five months without eating on the streets!
If you see me eating on the streets, don’t approach me.
I might want to pretend it didn’t happen.
Unless of course, you too are dining at the intersection too!
Then pass a napkin!
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Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.