Night before Thanksgiving text:
Me: I’m heading over
Mom: I think I’m watching porn
I arrive to see my mother in her recliner, the recliner she bought after I said I wanted a recliner but that’s another story. I sit and we chat and suddenly there is nudity on the screen.
Me: What is this?
Mom: Oh I don’t know, some porno thing.
Me; Soft porn
Mom: What’s soft porn, anyway? I heard somebody say that the other day
I tried to explain and stopped myself, grabbed my phone and Urban Dictionaried it.
The Urban Dictionary defines softporn as:
Colloquial expression of the full term “soft pornography”.
Pornography that is relatively less visual than its antecedent “hardcore porn”. Does usually not contain close-up images of genitalia, will not display bodily fluids and does not require its participants to actually engage in sexual activity.
This variety of sexual explicity is commonly enjoyed by beginning pornography viewers.
I am partial to Urban Dictionary over Wikipedia. It tends to explain things succinctly and in layman terms. For instance I had no idea what woke meant. I wasn’t sure if I was woke or if I wanted to be woke but I knew I was supposed to know. Urban Dictionary says:
Although an incorrect tense of awake, a reference to how people should be aware in current affairs.
Turns out I am social media woke. I know what is important right now because other people post about it. It’s not my nature to seek out the news. The news sucks. Honestly, it’s not even about this time in history, I was never one to be reading the newspaper. In fact, my whole family got news second hand.
Mom: you know they just got approval to turn the old church into condos?
Me: really, who said that?
Mom: I heard a guy at CVS talking on the phone about it.
The show we watched was called Tell Me You Love Me and it was on HBO in 2007. It turns out watching soft porn with my mother can be fun. She made a great soft porn commentator:
“Oh come on, they aren’t even doing it. You can tell!”
“Look at the torpedoes on this one! She was hiding those suckers”
“Uh oh, flat as board!”
“Oof! This guy is into it”
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.