“TOO PARANOID FOR LOVE” from the “Scripts I Haven’t Shot” collection

Interior Tina’s Apartment – Nighttime

Tina is gathering her purse to head out the door, while talking on the phone.

I’m meeting him at Bushi Sushi. I texted you the phone number he gave me, probably a burner, but at least you have something. (beat while listening to person on phone) No, I met him on Tinder. This is the entrepreneur guy. I know, why he is on tinder I do no know. OK I gotta go. You have all the info, if anything happens to me, (she stands still and looks up) know I died trying.

Interior taxi- Nighttime

Tina is sitting in a taxi. We see her take out a Missing Person flyer. It is a picture of herself wearing the outfit she has on, with positive adjectives strewn under her picture. LAST SEEN MEETING A MAN FOR POSSIBILITY OF LOVE at Bushi Sushi wearing the exact same outfit seen in this photo except she changed her earrings to gold hoops.
She tapes a Missing Person poster inside the cab.

Interior Bushi Sushi- Nighttime
Tina checks in with hostess.

Hi, I am meeting an online date here. he said his name is Bob.
Oh yeah, Bob is here.
You know him?
I mean, no, I know where he is because I seated him.
Can I give you one of these? In case I disappear.
She hands the hostess her missing person poster.
Sure. Good picture.
Thanks! I like it too.
The hostess walks her to the table.
You must be Tina.
Nice to meet you, BOB. Is that your real name or was it the only new identity you could get?
New identity?
It’s a paranoia joke.
I see. I ordered some Sangria.
Tina looks at the pitcher of Sangria and takes out a piece of litmus paper, dips it into the sangria.
(looks straight at Bob while holding litmus paper in sangria) This checks for drugs. (beat) Of ALL kinds.
I was hoping YOU were going to bring the drugs. (laughing)
(looking at litmus paper) Looks clean.
The waitress approaches.
Did you get a chance to look at the menu?
Hi, this is an online date. Can you take one of these in case something happens to me?
She hands her a missing person poster.
Ok. Did you want to order?
I think I need a minute.
Waitress walks away.
Can you hang that in the waitress station in case the cops come on your day off? (yelling to waitress as she walks away)
Excuse me, I need to go to the rest room.
You’re not coming back are you?

Bob smirks and walks away. Tina grabs the pitcher, pours a big glass and drinks it. She looks at her watch. She keeps looking around and then looking at her watch. She takes a poster out of her bag and leaves it on the table. It’s a missing poster for Bob “last seen walking out on his online date at Bushi Sushi. If you see this man, kick him in the nuts and run for your life”

I am available for scriptwriting and punch up!
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
twitter @theotherkendra

Kendra Cunningham is a stand-up comic, comedy writer, actress and filmmaker living in Brooklyn.