Originally posted in the now defunct Beauty and the Beast Relationship Blog
I remember when I was big into closure. I’d say things like “I just want to talk to him. I feel like I need closure”. But what I really meant is “My ego is still bruised and I need to get him back so I can feel like I’m the one calling the shots”. Sitting around musing about closure is just another way of staying in the relationship even though it’s over. If you broke up; that’s the closure. The best way to get over it: hook up with someone hot and fun. It’s a much better way to kill time than documenting every thought that pops into your head. Trust me.
I respect the desire to get closure via a love letter. I bought “How to write a love letter” by Barrie Dolnick at a stoop sale a while back because it’s something I have always thought I wanted to do. After reading the first few chapters I knew it wasn’t for me. You’re supposed to choose an affectionate salutation like Dear my beloved or My precious darling and then expound on fantasies about your future together and all the specific reasons you hold them in high esteem but in an informal conversational structure. My letters ended up sounding like a high school girl’s stream of consciousness. “Hello, my favorite kisser, you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you death and if I might add, you are a superlative kisser. Seriously, so much better than that stupid oaf Paul O Halloran I used to go out with. He was HORRIBLE! And you dress better than him. I sooooo wish you were here right now.” I never wrote the love letter I had in mind but I did spend over an hour researching Barry Dolnick online. What does a guy who writes books on love letters do with himself? Ends up he also has a couple of books on how to cast spells on people. I tried to write a love letter to Barrie after I learned more about him but it sounded forced and phony. He’s too smart for that.
If you think you need closure, this is what I suggest, rewrite all your notes and scribbles onto one sheet of paper. I did a term paper on “Creative Therapies in Prisons “ and it’s been proven that the very act of organizing your thoughts in one place is cathartic to a noticeable extent and it reduces recidivism, so if you’ve ever broken the law, which I think you have, you’re reducing your chances of doing it again. It’s a two for. Sending the letter won’t give you closure, it’ll just give you hope that you might get a response. If you really feel the need to slip it in a mailbox, send it to me. I can’t tell you how curious I am to see what you’ve written.
I might even respond.
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
Blonde Logic Rules!